Only one course was open to us, we’d have to pub it.
We dinned and then dined heartily on burgers, chips, gammon, more chips, chicken nuggets, beans and a few more chips all washed down with several pints of lager and some Fruit Shoots for the wife and I. The more than reasonable prices meant we would have to buy more crisps and chocolate on the way back.
Once our bellies were full we ambled, grunted, sighed and burped our way back to the unshapely chalet. Bloody good thing it was mostly downhill. The rain had eased a little and the bears had moved down river to buy ice creams. We reflected on the day in the living area and planned the next days adventure; the zoo. On the promises of lions and tigers the kids bolted and vaulted to bed like Thompson gazelle while the wife and I said prayers to Teflon, the god of waterproofing. Just one more night, that’s all we needed.
The zoo was a mere Howitzer shell away from the campsite so we had enough time to demolish an entire variety pack of cereals. I mixed some Corn Flakes with some Frosties together because I’m crazy and renegade like that. We had arranged to meet Granny and Granddad at the zoo car park at 10am before it became too busy. Meeting inside the zoo was too risky as first thing in the morning Granddad has the appearance of a tweed wearing silver back. Apart from the clothes the only thing that separated him from one of the primate attractions was a vague wiff of mothballs and Marmite.
We arrived at precisely 10am while the relics finally made an appearance at 10:02am. As a penalty for gross time keeping they agreed to pay our entrance fee. We waited patiently in the queue while Granddad filled out the necessary re-mortgage paperwork. One arm and one leg later we were in!
The hours flew by as we starred at empty enclosure after empty enclosure. With a little help from a tower and the Hubble telescope we did see a tiger. Well I say tiger, at that distance it might as well have been a sheep in a costume.
Just a note to all zoos out there: nocturnal animals, why have them if you’re only open during the day? rare fox my arse! it's a few random holes in the ground and you know it.
An escaped monkey
Fortunately this particular zoo had clued up on its typical audiences attention span and placed an adventure playground every two hundred feet.
Colditz with wood bark
As we progressed the adventure playgrounds became ever more like an SAS assault course and there were no end of opportunities for parents and carers alike to have heart attacks while they watched.
By the time we got to the tourist trap at the end the kids were too knackered to bother with fluffy pink elephants or replica rhino turds. Result.
To be continued………